Lost

My dogs look at me like I'm crazy. 

They cock their heads and wag their tails 

Sporadically, 

Nervously, 

Maybe hoping a wagging tail will calm me down. 

It doesn't. 

Almost one o'clock in the morning. 

I started for bed two hours ago but never quite made it. 

The wind is blowing, 

And the trees are all whipping around,

Like they don't know where to go,

Or what to do, 

But it's okay.

They have roots.

And the house is creaking, 

And groaning,

As the windows keep bowing. 

Like it doesn't know if it can take much more,

But it's okay.

It has a foundation.

It's all very unsettling....

And yet fitting. 

In my entire life,

I've never felt lost like I feel now. 

My father was my compass, 

And now my compass is gone. 

And I suddenly have no sense of direction.

And it's not okay.

Late Night Rockstar...

Late Night Rockstar

Look through those paned windows,

Of the little white house on the hill.

See me there?

Living out my fantasies

In the wee hours of the morning

While the rest of the world sleeps?

Two a.m.

Is when I pretend I’m a rockstar,

And a dancer,

And a ballerina,

And a twenty year old,

Until my 58 year old eyelids

Remind me who I really am. 

Depression? Now That's Funny.

I’m sitting in my big windowed-room,

Simultaneously looking out over the straits

At the wind-chopped waters,

And at the tree branches moving in frenetic wind-dances,

When it suddenly occurs to me

That every depressed person I know,

Or have ever known--

That is,

Those who suffer regularly from extended bouts of significant depression

(And I have known many)--

Are profoundly funnier

Than any of the not-depressed people I know or have ever known. 

.....not the best night........

Today's Moments

Front and center in my living room view is Mt. Rainer--snow-covered and huge!

Emily discovers the impossibility of jumping onto the futon from the slick hardwood floor. 

With one piercing ungulate stare, the five deer resting in my backyard make it abundantly clear that I am intruding into their space. Agreed. 

A simple walk with my dogs feels like......a simple walk with my dogs.

 

Good Move

Three nights from now, I'll be living in a different house, in a different town, with a different lifestyle. And all of those differences.......in a good way.  

Rabbit's Feet

I have this weird superstition that I've sort of followed all my life. I discovered it when I was in grade school. First of all, let me say that I don't believe in superstitions per say. What I do believe in is physics, and energy, and the laws that govern the flow of energy. We all attract energy in different ways, and energy flows through us and around us in different ways. This is the basis for all the things we do, or don't, attract into our lives.

So here's my weird theory: If I have a feeling something is going to happen, if I talk about it or write about it, it doesn't happen. If I keep it to myself, it does. Weird, right? Right. Soooo many times, from wayyyy back when I was a kid, I found that if I blurted out some comment about some really-cool-thing I thought would happen, the really-cool-thing never happened. And if I kept my mouth shut, it did. So now, as an adult, this theory still holds true. I've learned to accept that if I'm really dreading something, I had better either talk or write about that thing I'm dreading so that it won't happen. And, most of the time, this works. I'm thinking there's something going on with the verbalized thought-energy of the thing I'm dreading (Let's say.....for example......just hypothetically speaking here of course, that I'm dreading my brother's upcoming visit this week....) repels the energy of the dreaded thing, thus preventing it from happening. (See, I told you it was weird.)

So having now shared with you my theory.....

My brother called tonight to tell me two things:
1. Dad fell two nights ago, didn't break anything, but ended up with a bunch of cuts and scrapes and somehow came down with pneumonia yesterday.
2. He (my brother) is NOT coming up on Thursday as he had planned.

There.